Messages & group chats

Start a Conversation, Make a Connection

Sometimes all it takes is a simple hello.

A conversation can lead to a new friendship, a coffee date, a night out, a playdate or perhaps something considerably more adventurous. And who knows where that might lead? (I certainly have a few ideas!)

Messaging is at the heart of Spice Me Up Lucy. It’s how you’ll get to know people, make connections and turn an interesting profile into an actual conversation.

You can chat one-to-one, bring several people together in a group chat, and even decide exactly who you’re happy to receive messages from.

Let me show you around!

Your Message Control Centre

You’ll find Messages in the navigation menu at the top of the page when you’re logged in.

Click it and you’ll open your very own message control centre.

You’ll see a list of your existing conversations down one side, with the conversation window alongside. If you’re new to the site, that list might be looking a little empty for now, but hopefully not for long!

Select any conversation to pick up where you left off, or start a brand-new one.

It’s all designed to make keeping in touch with people straightforward and easy.

Who’s Actually Sending the Message?

Now, here’s a feature I particularly love, especially for couples and polycules.

When you’re part of a profile with more than one person, it’s rather nice for the person receiving your message to know exactly who’s doing the talking.

When composing a message, you can identify with one click, which individual from your profile is sending it.

So, if you’re a couple, your message might come from him or her. If you’re part of a polycule, you can identify which member is joining the conversation.

And sometimes, of course, it’s both of you!

Gage and I quite often sit together at the keyboard, sending a few flirtatious messages to other couples. It’s rather fun seeing where a conversation goes when we’re both involved.

That’s why we’ve included a Both of You option when composing a message together.

No more guessing who’s actually behind the keyboard!

Starting a Conversation

There are a couple of ways to get a conversation started.

Know someone’s username?

Head into your message centre and use the search field. You can search for their full username or just enter some of the letters if you can’t quite remember it.

Found someone whose profile you simply MUST message?

Well, I know the feeling!

When you’re viewing someone’s profile, you’ll find a Message Us button right there. Click it and you can jump straight into a conversation without having to go hunting for their username.

Simple!

Group Chats – Because Sometimes More Is More!

One of my favourite features is the ability to start a group conversation.

Rather than messaging people individually, you can bring several members together in one chat.

Perhaps you’ve met a couple of other couples and want to organise a randy night out. Maybe you’re arranging a playdate with another couple and a single, or simply want to get a few people chatting before an upcoming party.

Group chats make coordinating everything so much easier.

And let’s be honest, sometimes getting several people together for a conversation can be almost as much fun as getting several people together for other activities! 😉

One important thing to know: if you’ve blocked someone, they won’t be able to join the same group chat as you.

Your blocks apply to group conversations too.

You Choose Who Can Message You

We know that not everyone wants to receive messages from absolutely everybody, and that’s perfectly reasonable.

You have control over who can contact you.

There are two ways to manage this.

Blocking individual members

If there’s someone you don’t want contacting you, you can block them. Once blocked, they won’t be able to send you messages.

Using Message Filters

You can also filter out messages from people who don’t match certain criteria.

For example, you might decide that you don’t want to receive messages from particular profile types or from members outside a certain age range.

You’ll find the Blocked and Filters tools under People in the navigation menu.

It’s your inbox, darling. You get to decide who gets an invitation to it!

Sharing Photos in Private Messages

Sometimes a conversation gets going and you feel comfortable sharing a little more.

You can send photos directly through private messages, which is a lovely way to share something with someone without making it available on your public profile.

And here’s something particularly useful: remember those photos you’ve uploaded and reserved for Just You?

You can still share those privately with specific people through your messages.

So, if you’ve got a photo you’d like to share with one particular couple or individual, you can send it directly to them without opening it up to everyone else.

You remain in control of your photos and who gets to see them.

Enter Never Sends!

Oh, now this is one of my favourite little touches, and if you’ve ever used one of the other lifestyle websites, you’ll understand exactly why we included it.

Have you ever been halfway through composing a rather epic message, pressed Enter to start a new paragraph, and suddenly discovered you’ve sent the whole darn thing?

Yep. Your carefully crafted message has just gone out halfway through its first sentence!

A little premature, perhaps? And nobody likes that, now do they, lads? 😉

Well, we’ve fixed that.

On Spice Me Up Lucy, pressing Enter starts a new line. It NEVER sends your message.

Your message is only sent when you deliberately click the Send button.

So go ahead and write that long, thoughtful, flirtatious message. Add paragraphs, edit it, read it twice and make sure you’ve got it just right.

You won’t accidentally send it before you’re ready.

Discreet Email Notifications – We Won’t Fill Your Inbox

Of course, you can’t spend your entire day sitting on Spice Me Up Lucy waiting for someone to send you a message.

We get that!

That’s why we’ve built a discreet email notification system to let you know when someone has contacted you, without bombarding your inbox.

Here’s how it works:

When a new message arrives, our server waits for ten minutes. If the message is still unread, we’ll send you an email notification to let you know you’ve got something waiting.

If several more messages arrive over the following few hours, we don’t send you an email for every single one. We group those notifications together so you get a gentle nudge rather than a flood of emails.

It’s a much nicer way of keeping you informed without turning your email inbox into another message centre!

What About Event Notifications?

Some account notifications are time-sensitive, so we handle those differently.

For example, if you’re hosting an event and someone declines your invitation, you’ll receive an immediate email. That way, you know someone isn’t coming and have time to invite another member if you wish.

Other hosting-related notifications are grouped together to keep the number of emails manageable.

You can control which email notifications you receive through your Settings.

We think it’s important that you stay informed, but just as important that you get to decide how much information lands in your inbox.

A Little Messaging Etiquette

Before I let you loose on the message centre, a few friendly reminders.

We’re all here to make connections and have a good time, but a little courtesy goes a long way.

• Be friendly. A genuine hello and a little introduction are usually a much better opening than an abrupt proposition.
• Be respectful. Everyone has different interests, boundaries and expectations. Respect them.
• Don’t bombard people. Not everyone can respond immediately. Give people time to get back to you.
• Don’t take silence personally. People have busy lives, and sometimes a conversation simply doesn’t develop.
• Be yourself. Genuine conversations make for much better connections than trying too hard to impress.

And remember, receiving a message doesn’t mean someone owes you a response. We’re all here because we want to be, and that’s exactly how it should be.

Ready to Say Hello?

Whether you’re reaching out to someone whose profile caught your eye, reconnecting with people you’ve met at a party, or bringing a few couples together to organise your next adventure, your message centre is where it all begins.

Head to Messages in the navigation menu and start a conversation.

You never know where a simple hello might lead.

And if you happen to find yourself sitting at the keyboard with your partner, composing a rather flirtatious message together, well, Gage and I thoroughly approve!

Lucy x